Helping Teen Converts
“[Converts] come into the Church with enthusiasm for what they have found. We must immediately build on that enthusiasm. You have people in your wards who can be friends to every convert. They can listen to them, guide them, answer their questions, and be there to help in all circumstances and in all conditions. …… I invite every member to reach out in friendship and love for those who come into the Church as converts.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, Liahona, Feb. 1999)
President Hinckley has spoken fervently on the subject of convert retention. He encourages us to keep our new converts active by involving them in activities, making friends and spending time. When youth join the church, however, most members don’t pay a great deal of attention. They presume the youth and their leaders will do the work. There are several dangers that can result from limiting the teenager’s contact to the youth program.
First, the teenager will one day leave the youth program. Most teens do know other adults, through the friendships and callings of their parents, but teenaged converts do not have this help. Children who grow up in the church tend to relate well to adults through their youth leadership experiences and are comfortable chatting with an older person. Teens who don’t grow up in the church, unless they are homeschoolers, are usually less comfortable. They may not get to know any other adults in the ward, particularly if they are shy and don’t have many friends with active parents. When they leave the youth program, they may find themselves alone as friends hurry off to BYU, missions and other places away from home. If we hope to have them move comfortably into the adult church world, we have to assist them by helping them to know as many people as possible within the ward.
I was very fortunate to join the church within a small and welcoming ward. Although I was a teenager, the ward members took me into their hearts, their homes and their lives immediately, helping me to feel loved and protected. The day my baptism was announced in Sacrament meeting, I received numerous invitations to dinner, to Family Home Evenings and other events. Ward members asked me to babysit their children, offered rides and invited me to join them in Sacrament meeting. As a shy teenager fighting a long battle for acceptance of my conversion, I was grateful for the loving support of these families who made the transition into a new church so easy and happy.
Teen converts face many of the same problems adult converts do. They are often the only member of their family who has joined the church. Often they begged, prayed and cried for many months or even years for permission to be baptized. Sometimes their home life has become suddenly cold. Many converts also lose their non-LDS friends as they make dramatic changes in the way they live their lives. I was especially grateful that I never sat alone in Sacrament meeting. Whoever drove me to church always invited me to join their family for the day. It is discouraging to be alone when you see you friends sitting in a parent’s arm or cuddling a sibling. To sit next to a home teacher or youth leader and to be smiled at during the meetings can take away the pain of being without the family.
Teen converts often have a more difficult time understanding the basic culture of the church. An adult who joins will receive help in her classes in learning how to initiate and carry out family home evenings, gather the family for prayer and read the scriptures. A teenager probably does not have access to these training sessions and only by visiting an LDS home can she see how it is done.
Hiring a new convert to do yard work or child care helps him to be accepted, and at the same time, allows him to peek into LDS homes. The first time I babysat for LDS children, I nervously explained that I didn’t know how to help the children say their prayers--I was still struggling to learn to say my own. The mother assured me that her nine-year-old could help the little ones this time, and that I could watch so that I would know how their personal and family prayer was done. Some parents who came home before the children went to bed invited me to stay for family prayer so that I could observe the process. When parents came home late to find me reading one of their LDS books, they encouraged me to borrow the book, and often sent several more home as well.
Be sure the teenager has transportation to meetings. If you live nearby, you might offer a standing ride so the teenager doesn’t have to call every week. After a while, this can feel awkward and cause the teenager to stop coming to church.
Simply watch for opportunities to chat with young converts, building relationships and sharing your LDS life in conversation. Each LDS person the teenager knows will create a piece of cloth that can soon become a quilt of friendship and membership. As these connections grow, the teenager feels himself a part of a large LDS community and the church becomes a second home wherever he goes in his life.
-by Terrie Lynn Bittner