Goal Setting -- Start Where You Are
I once challenged a Primary class to set a goal to have a really good private prayer every morning and evening. One little girl, eight years old, told me she couldn't do that. Her mother had just remarried and their little house was suddenly overflowing with children. She now had to share her bedroom with two small stepsisters who did not understand her need for privacy. When she tried to kneel in prayer, they teased and kissed and hugged and pleaded with her to play with them. For this child, a goal to have private meaningful prayer was too advanced. I suggested that instead, she set a goal to find a place to pray privately and that she talk to her parents about it.
That afternoon, her mother was busy, so she shyly went to her new stepfather. He understood her problem and promised to try to train the girls to leave her alone when she prayed. That did not solve the immediate problem however, and he realized the other children might have the same challenge. Together the two walked hand in hand through the house, searching for an unused corner. They finally realized that the only place in the overcrowded little house was in the garage. Together, they made a sign for the garage door that said, "Prayer in Progress." They added a drawing of a person praying. Then the father called together the family and told them the older children who needed to pray could go into the garage and kneel in prayer after placing the signs on the doors. Anyone who saw the signs was not to go into the garage. This was a temporary solution until the younger children could be trained, but it allowed the child to meet her first goal and then move on to the more advanced goal the rest of her classmates had set.
The prayer garage is a perfect example of the need to start where you are when setting goals. It does no good to set a goal to have powerful prayers if you have no place to pray. While some people might be able to set a goal today to have a spiritual experience during their daily scripture study, others might just need a goal to actually have scripture study. If this is where you are, this is an effective goal. If your eventual goal is to have spiritual experiences, you might write that down and then choose several goals to accomplish that will eventually lead you to the ultimate goal. These intermediate goals might include purchasing scriptures and items to help you mark them, obtaining a study guide if you need one, choosing a time and place to study and beginning with a prayer. Setting the habit of studying might be the next goal, and finally, you can begin to concentrate on improving the quality of your study. Of course, while you are establishing the habit of studying, you will probably also be working on creating a spiritual experience. When you reach that goal, you might be part way to the solution already.
By breaking down the larger goals, you also improve the likelihood that you will achieve the goal. The smaller the steps, the more successful you feel. We like to do what we are good at, so as we move through each step in a reasonable amount of time and with positive results, we feel successful and competent. It becomes easier to continue through the list until the ultimate goal is achieved.
Children can learn this same progression when parents work with children to set family goals. As they help the family choose goals and plan for achievement, they learn to set their own effective goals as well.
Remember that some goals will never really be achieved. A goal to have powerful prayers might continue to be a goal all your life as you continually seek to improve your prayers. Other goals might simply never happen. You may have a goal to become a concert violinist. Perhaps you will discover along the way that you do not have the necessary talent. You may find yourself living in a city with no orchestra. Or, you may marry and have children and decide that this is no longer the right goal for you. It is not a sign of failure if all goals do not get achieved. Just the process of striving will make you successful and help you as you continue to grow. Our goals will change periodically as our life circumstances, our interests and even our knowledge of ourselves grows.
-by Terrie Lynn Bittner