When Testimony Doesn't Come Instantly
My Story
At the age of sixteen, I began to investigate the Church . After several months of attending the Laurel Class—the oldest teenage girls—I went on a campout with them. That night, as several of the girls and I lay under the stars, they asked me how I was feeling about the things I was learning. I hesitated, not sure how to answer.
During the past few months, I’d been determined to find out if this church was true. I knew once I chose a religion, I’d never look back, so I wanted it to be right. I’d decided years ago only one church could be true, but I wasn’t sure how to tell which one it was. So now, I said, “It’s hard. You teach so many things I’ve never heard before. I wish there was a science experiment or something that would prove it, but there isn’t. There isn’t any way to know what’s true.”
My friend Nola replied softly, “I know what’s true.”
I stared at her. She knew? She really knew? I would have given anything to know as surely as she seemed to know. I wanted what she had. “How do you know? How can anyone know?”
Nola sat up in her sleeping bag. “You’ve learned about Joseph Smith, and how he prayed to know what church to join, right?”
“Well, yes,” I admitted. “But God and Jesus aren’t going to come down and tell me.”
Nola smiled. “Probably not, but you don’t need them to. If you pray to Heavenly Father, He will tell you.”
I asked her how He would do that. Every church I visited told me to take my problems to God. But they never explained how He answered prayers that couldn’t be answered in a material sort of way. Nola began to teach me about the Holy Ghost. She explained that if I asked with a sincere heart, just as the scripture Joseph had read instructed, God would place a warm feeling in my heart that would assure me the gospel was true. I had felt that before, but hadn’t known it was the Holy Ghost.
After returning home, I began to pray. Although I didn’t expect God to appear, I did expect a powerful and instant answer. I was disappointed. I got off my knees the first day having received nothing at all. I continued to learn and to plead for an answer.
I began meeting with the missionaries. Soon, I realized I was about to be invited to be baptized. Before that happened, I wanted an answer. Since my question about whether the church was true hadn’t been answered, I changed my question. I asked only if Heavenly Father wanted me to join this church. Quickly, this time, the answer came. He did. I was disappointed that this was all the information He was going to give me, but it was my first answer to prayer. I had been raised to trust God, and so I trusted Him and joined without a testimony.
When the missionaries talked me into bearing my testimony soon after my baptism, I was embarrassed. All I could say honestly was that I thought the church was true. I didn’t think it was the sort of thing you were supposed to say in testimony meeting, since no one else ever did. But the missionaries assured me it was enough, and it was. It was a starting place.
In the months that followed, I continued to study and to pray. I improved my ability to live the gospel. Soon I was able to say I believed the church was true, and finally, that I knew it was. I had expected conversion to be an instantaneous, complete experience, but it wasn’t. It was one that required nearly a year of prayer, and regular prayer even today to keep it nurtured.
David O. McKay's Experience
My experience is actually a very common one. David O. McKay, who was our ninth prophet, required years to find his testimony, even though he was born into the church. He first prayed for a testimony as a young boy while herding cattle. He prayed as hard as he could, with as much faith as he had. After his prayer, he said to himself, “No spiritual manifestation has come to me. If I am true to myself, I must say I am just the same ‘old boy’ that I was before I prayed.” It was years later, while on his mission to Scotland, that the answer to that prayer finally came. He said, “Never before had I experienced such an emotion. … It was a manifestation for which as a doubting youth I had secretly prayed most earnestly on hillside and in meadow. It was an assurance to me that sincere prayer is answered ‘sometime, somewhere.’”
David A. Bednar says instant conversion is rare
In fact, the impressive flash of conversion is very rare. David A. Bednar said, in talk at BYU Idaho in 2001: “We tend to believe the Lord will give us a big answer quickly and all at one time. However, the pattern repeatedly described in the scriptures suggests we receive “…line upon line, precept upon precept…” or in other words, many small answers over a period of time.”
The scripture Elder Bednar referred to is in the Book of Mormon, in 2 Nephi, 28:30. It reads: For behold, thus sayeth the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom;”
It Isn't a Race
If you’re here today, whether as a curious visitor, a sincere investigator, or a new member, you’ve taken the first steps on the path to a testimony. It’s not an easy path, but the journey and the destination are worth more than you’ll find on any other path. How fast you make the journey isn’t important. The length of time it takes to get an answer isn’t a measure of your importance to God. Remember, David O. McKay didn’t get his testimony for years, and he later became a prophet.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell suggests that not only is it acceptable to receive your testimony in small steps, but it may actually be better for you to receive it that way. “Paced progress not only is acceptable to the Lord but also is recommended by Him. Divine declarations say: “Ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now.” (Doctrine and Covenants 50:40) “I will lead you along.” (Doctrine and Covenants 78:18) Just as divine disclosure usually occurs line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little, so likewise will we achieve our spiritual progress gradually.” (Men and Women of Christ, page 23)
Four Steps to gaining Testimony
There are four basic steps to gaining a testimony. Prayer is the center of those steps, just as it should be at the center of our testimony. These four steps are, according to Elder Robert K. Dellenbach, Desire, Works, Prayer, and Trust. Notice that prayer, while critical, isn’t the first step. You have to prepare for the prayer.
First: Desire
First, you must have a desire to know the truth. It’s an easy thing to slip to your knees and ask if the church is true when you’re just curious. However, to gain a real testimony, you have to want one, want it more than anything else you can imagine. Spend quiet time thinking about God and your own life, until you want to know badly enough that you’ll do anything to get the answer.
Second: Works
The second step is works. Show God that when you tell him you’ll do anything for a testimony, you mean it. You’re willing to do as much as you can do alone. During this phase, you’ll do as Joseph did and study. Read the scriptures. Pray about every aspect of your life. It takes time to learn how to recognize the answers to prayers. The more you talk to your Heavenly Father, the better you will come to know and love Him and the Savior. The stronger your love, the greater your desire to do what they want you to do. Live the teachings you’re learning in class, from the missionaries, and from other Latter-day Saints. If you feel good about yourself when you keep these commandments, this strengthens your determination to know if the church is true.
Third: Prayer
Now you’re ready for prayer. Begin praying to know if the church is true. If that seems too hard for you, ask, as I did, if you should join the church. Ask if the Book of Mormon is true. Ask about any part of the Church you want to have a testimony of. But plead, with a sincere heart, for truth.
Act on your answers. If you ask Heavenly Father to tell you what is true, you must show respect to Him by then living what he has taught you. That’s not to say that you’re going to be perfect from that moment on. Change is hard and it takes time. But if you ask if the Church is true, be prepared to follow through with baptism and a change in your heart and your life. Begin the process of living the gospel the best you can.
Final Step: Trust
That leads to the final step, trust. It’s scary to make this big leap into eternity. Trust Heavenly Father. Trust Him to answer your prayers, however long it might take, and then trust Him to help you make the changes you need to make. However hard it may be, He will be there to help you through it. The more you pray, the more help He will give you, because your relationship with your Father in Heaven and with your Savior will become more and more powerful, until they are your best friends and the only people you completely trust to advise you. When you reach that stage, and know for sure they love you and are guiding you, you have a testimony.