Teaching Shy Children
Since my first Primary class had seventeen rambunctious preschoolers, it took all of my attention to teach the class in sign language for the two hearing-impaired children, control the discipline and still teach the lesson. While struggling to learn to do all of these things, I sought the help of the inservice leader. At the end of class, she mentioned that one quiet little girl had appeared to want to participate, but had seemed too shy to volunteer. I began looking for ways to include her in my class.
It is easy to lose sight of the quiet child in a group of outgoing children. The quietest child wants the love and recognition of his teacher, even if he refuses to participate. The challenge is to find out what he will allow you to do, and how he is willing to get involved.
Shy children become more comfortable when they know their teacher well and feel loved by her. Visit the shy child often in his home. Make a point of speaking to him in Sacrament Meeting, at ward activities and anywhere else you might encounter him. Kneel down and speak to the child on his level. Ask him about school, his toys, his pets. Visit his home and see what he treasures.
In class, watch him as you teach. This is difficult when you are involved with the other students. If you find it too hard, invite a friend to come in and watch, or ask the friend to teach while you watch the class. Notice when his eyes light up, when he leans forward a bit or shows other signs of being interested. Watch his reaction when you ask for volunteers. Does he look as though he'd like a turn?
I always invite my shy children to take a turn to participate, even if they say no every single time. I try not to make them feel guilty if they aren't ready, but at least they have been given a chance. When I invite them to pray, I offer to help them. Often, they will agree to hold a picture. The very shyest children can be invited to do something that does not make everyone look at them--carry something for you to the classroom, hold something while remaining seated, handing out crayons while others hand out paper, glue and scissors.
When a child isn't comfortable answering questions, I ask them questions that can be answered with a shy nod or head shake. "Jody, do you help your mommy?" When they are comfortably doing that, I add a follow-up question. "How do you help her?" If Jody doesn't answer, I am prepared to help her with another yes-or-no question. "Do you help her by picking up your toys?" Rescue the shy child soon enough that she doesn't feel threatened, but not so soon that she can't think through an answer if she wants to. Watch her face for signs of panic or uneasiness to know when to step in. If she appears to just be thinking, wait quietly until she is ready. Often shy children are also very thoughtful and take their time coming up with an answer. It can also be easier for them to answer if several other children have also answered the same question. Then they can choose an answer someone else gave. Shy children sometimes worry about being wrong, and if you have already given your approval to an answer, they feel safer giving that same answer.
Remember that the shyest children need to feel safe and loved. Don't push them beyond their comfort level, but do love them, touch them if they will allow it, and encourage them. Don't allow your quiet child to get lost in the noisy crowd!
By Terrie Lynn Bittner