Friendships With the Elderly
On the anniversary of the September 11 attacks, I sat in the living room of my friend Iola Bruno. Sister Bruno is 35 years older than I am, and a delightful evening companion. This evening though, her usual laughter was replaced with tears as we watched the televised replays of the previous year's devastation. Again and again we heard Americans state in shock that they could not believe anyone would attack us here on our own soil, or hate us so much. I glanced at the t-shirt I was wearing, a Pearl Harbor commemorative shirt my husband had brought home from a business trip to Hawaii. That too was an attack on American soil. I asked Sister Bruno to tell me about that day, when Pearl Harbor was bombed. Was the reaction the same as the reaction to September 11? She gazed into an unseen past and shared memories of everyone crowded around the radio instead of the television and internet, but experiencing the same feelings of shock and fear. As she described that day, the event I had only read about became real to me, and just as frightening as the events of the previous year. Sister Bruno's mind slid forward to a day when she was living in Japan with her soldier husband. They had adopted twin Japanese daughters and took them to see Hiroshima. As they approached the scene of a frightening moment in history, people around them stared at the American couple with their Japanese children. They became a curiosity, a sign of how the world had changed in the years since World War II.
Pearl Harbor is no longer an event in a history book for me. When I read of that day now, I can picture a real person, a friend, and her terrified reaction to a terrible day. It was the personal touch that added emotion to a distant event. Meeting someone who was there, who lived the event, is the very best way to make history live for children and adults both.
In every church ward, there are older men and women who long for company, someone who finds their stories exciting. It is not difficult to find these people and bring them into your life. A simple telephone call to Sister Bruno, with the information that a mutual friend thought I would enjoy meeting her, earned me an invitation that rapidly blossomed into friendship. Together, we have traipsed the globe as she shares her travels as a military wife. We have gone through time to the historical events she remembers. History is rapidly becoming real to me.
My son chose to study the Viet Nam war this year because a Sunday School teacher was a prisoner of war during that war. As he listened to the stories of hardship and courage, he became excited about a time he knew little about. My children enjoy talking to an older immigrant who came from Hungary many, many years ago in order to be allowed the education he was denied because of his class. It is exciting for them to hear the events of their dull texts brought to life by someone for whom these events hold deep personal meaning.
If you aren't sure who would enjoy meeting children and talking about history, ask the Relief Society president or other church members to suggest someone. Consider bringing them to dinner at your home if they are well enough. If you visit them, keep the visits short until you are sure you will not tire them. Children should be reminded to behave quietly, as noise and confusion sometimes tires those who are no longer used to children.
It is best to prepare younger children for the visit by talking about the rules and about the person they are visiting. If they have little experience with the elderly, help them to learn what to expect. Teenagers will want to read up on the topic of conversation in advance and be prepared to listen intelligently.
You may want to visit the person yourself first. Too many new people all at once can be overwhelming. Then you will be better able to prepare your children for the first visit. You might even take along one child at a time on early visits. Remember that those who live far from grandchildren are often eager for the company of youngsters, so encourage your children to be affectionate. Hugs and expressions of love are almost always welcome, as are drawings and simple gifts. Allow these wonderful treasures to become a part of your family. Encourage your children to seek out opportunities to serve their new friend as a way of showing their love.
