Non-Competitive Games in Family Home Evening
Playing games in a family with a children of various ages can seem like a real challenge. Little ones can't beat older children in a game of skill, and even games of chance are...well...chancy. One way to let everyone play together is to make the games non-competitive. While there are books and websites on the subject, you can turn mot regular games into non-competitive game with a little creativity. We used to call this "playing by Bittner rules."
Let’s take a look at the traditional memory game in which the someone lays out cards and children must try to find matches. This game might be used to help children learn to match scriptures to their reference or to memorize answers to questions. If you were teaching a family home evening lesson about temples, you might have temple pictures on half the cards, and the names of the temples on the other half. The usual way to play the game is to have the children compete to see who can find the most matches. Each child has a turn to pick up two cards. If the cards match, he puts them in his own little pile. If they don’t, he puts them back. At the end, each child counts his matches and we have a winner, but we also have several losers. If your younger children aren't developmentally ready to lose every time, you need new rules.
Changing the game is a simple task. You tell the children they are working as a team. They will take turns choosing cards, but they can help each other find the matches if the person choosing wants help. If a match is found, it is put in one pile that combines everyone’s finds. If you find all the matches, you all win together! If you are afraid you won’t have time to finish, you can say you want to see how many matches they find. At the end, you can count them up and cheer for the impressive number you found. Everyone wins, and everyone is successful.
What do children learn from playing cooperatively instead of competitively? They learn to work as a team, which involves very different skills than learning to compete alone. The children will form a solid group of people who help each other out, rather than trying to outdo their siblings. Always remind them that they can help each other at any time, and that a child having a turn can ask for help. This allows children with poor skills or little knowledge to participate successfully. It also teaches several important gospel concepts such as service and compassion. Imagine a family of children who rush to help or cheer on their siblings. Compare this to children who giggle when someone can’t read or doesn’t know an answer. When cooperative play is introduced to young children, they develop a pattern of concern and service. Yes, at some point, they must learn to win and lose gracefully, but the world will give them plenty of chances for that. During Family Home Evening, give them a break.
Do not give prizes for winning, even when the entire family wins. Children need to learn to achieve for the right reasons. Do we give children prizes for eating all their chocolate cake or playing with their friends? Of course not, because these are things children do because they want to. When children receive payment for something they do, they presume it is something they would not want to do unless they were paid. They even come to expect payment. We want children to learn the gospel because they love their Heavenly Father and want to please Him. They should want to learn about the gospel because they love it, and because they feel a personal satisfaction in learning more about it. When the children achieve, we should compliment their desire to please their Heavenly Father and to learn more about the gospel. A quiet praise is enough to give them a warm feeling. As we teach through games, we can teach so much more than the subject of the game. When we have only one evening a week to teach as much of God’s word as possible, it is wonderful if we can teach several things in one simple activity. What better lesson can we teach than the joy of learning the Gospel?
By Terrie Lynn Bittner